Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
