was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
