His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
