Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
