I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
