even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
