you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
