ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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