If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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