the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
