Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I could fuck to npr.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
