do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize