i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it's great music for shaving your balls
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
