i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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