upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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