put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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