So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Your cock deserves a montage
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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