i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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