We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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