just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
