Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
