so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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