where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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