We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
