She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
