mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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