brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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