I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
