Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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