Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
