ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
smell my finger.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
