Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i think im in europe. pls send help
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
