You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
