True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
