It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
