I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
