On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
