Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
