At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
