Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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