i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
