Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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