ya dads aren't the best wingmen
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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