Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
