fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
