The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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