one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
