oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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