Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
