All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
