he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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