I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
