It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
