remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
