Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize