So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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