You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
