Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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