It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
