I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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