it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
