I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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