Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I intend to get homeless drunk
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
