i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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