I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
