i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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