I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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