That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
