so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I was not drunk enough for that final.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
