I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
why didn't you poke me back
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
