So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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