At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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