Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize