Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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