omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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