And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
