I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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