Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
These tits shall not be calmed
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
