I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
