please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
