Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize