i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
