my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
