remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am one with the molecules
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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