last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Is it because I queefed?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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