Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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