Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
