Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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