Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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