YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
