Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
