I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
