I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
