so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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