My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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