she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
