just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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