Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
