At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
