Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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