Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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