A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
