my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
