That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
