No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
