You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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