I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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