And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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