The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
