Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
